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Posted by / 06-Dec-2016 04:41

Can we be friends after dating

That respect, though not easy for either of us, is a true surviving gift. I offer forgiveness to myself and practice mindfulness until the feelings pass. As I reach my mid-thirties, I realize the importance not just of those who are on our “good side” but also acquaintances who teach precious lessons at the precise times we need them.

Similarly, be respectful and compassionate toward yourself. Paul and I have shared too many years to ignore that we care about each other, still we cannot continue in our old patterns any longer.

I don’t talk about his girlfriend, and he no longer hints about my love life.

I respect that he has a lady love so I won’t be e-mailing him flirty texts at midnight, and he won’t be asking me if I’d like to go see the new action film with him. Whatever the future holds for Paul, and for me, we have the present company and compassionate understanding that comes from knowing each other for a decade.

Is it possible to make the leap back to platonic good-will? Seven months later, I’ve discovered I can approach Paul and even enjoy his company for short stretches. Most of all, I needed to exercise the same compassion and tenderness towards myself that I offer to others. A stream of questions haunted me: what if he marries this woman? They’ll buy a house to remodel together and get a dog. Deep breaths and mindful meditation cooled my mind enough to realize that worst-case scenarios serve no one.

Here are the steps from disappointment to personal growth and healing: After years of feeling more than I acknowledged, I didn’t take it well when I learned about Paul’s new girlfriend. No more hanging around at the end of the day to chitchat. Yes, it was painful, after many years of chatting up Paul whenever I thought of him or wanted to know what was going on in his life, but I also stopped dwelling. Disappointment cannot be ignored and yet, like any emotion, it is a passing state, undulating like waves to the shoreline.

My roommate found me curled up on the sofa, breaking spontaneously into what I call “the ugly cry.” My appetite swan-dived. We are impermanent beings in flux, and we cannot expect either our relationships or those in our lives to remain static.

As much as I wanted to focus on the sting of rejection and the injustice of Paul not going out with me, the reality is that we’ve all been on the rejecter’s end as well as the rejectee’s. As much as I didn’t want to hear that Paul had chosen to spend his romantic energy on another woman, his intentions had never been to hurt or frustrate me.

I have never doubted Paul’s respect for me nor his goodwill towards all sentient beings; as such, he could not lie just to spare my feelings or curb my disappointment.

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