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Posted by / 17-May-2015 01:42

There’s something to be said about keeping your introductory message brief and casual.

The personal touch shows you’re genuinely interested, but the brevity and non-committal tone shows you know you’re special, too, so you’re willing to walk away. Remember what you’re up against (now’s a good time to refer back to my “Three Mistakes …” piece to read about some of the behaviors that turn women off to online dating).

So what are the elements of this message that appealed to me?

I liked messages that were personal but not creepy personal, like the messages in which men would describe in gross detail how we’d live our lives together based on what they read in my profile.

Most people can agree they don’t like scalding hot coffee, but it’s tough to get people to agree on how they do like their coffee. Obviously men do this as well; I’ve just heard this complaint more frequently from men than from women.

I used to think this was shallow advice, but it all comes down to honesty.

We also asked online daters what drove them to join the super-tailored sites and whether they have found love in the digital world.

To oversimplify what I mean, let’s take coffee for example. Only use current photos in your profile: One of the most common complaints I hear from men is that women frequently misrepresent themselves in their photos by using old photos (sometimes decades old) or by cropping them in too tightly so you don’t realize they are of a certain body type.The fact that there's actually a market for married people in online dating baffles us a little.Cheating was never OK but this is seems a little too out the box—even for a social-media based society. And Ashley Madison isn't the only site where you can get your cheating on.Don’t write a novel: Just as you don’t want to have too sparse of a profile, you also don’t want your profile to be a novel.Respect people’s time by not writing any more than you’d be willing to read yourself.

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Moderation is the key here; provide enough information to give people a clear snapshot of who you are, but don’t bore them to death War-and-Peace-style.5.