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Jerry was successful primarily because of his persistence and continual conscious effort to improve his skills and confidence. The focus of this self-help manual is to help you improve your conversational and intimacy skills.
I have counseled with and taught these skills to hundreds of people seeking ways of becoming more outgoing and assertive, more confident, and more able to develop close relationships with others-especially others in romantic situations.
He used individual counseling, an assertion training group, and self-help books. More importantly, he was much happier with himself and his life. Most people I see don't start at such a low level and only want or need much less help.
If you think you have a long way to go, then it is helpful to know that others have gone even further.
Before you can have a happy, close and long-lasting relationship with another person, you must first develop yourself until you can meet the minimal standards of what a potential partner (like the one you want) would need from you. This theory may be an oversimplification, but think about it for a minute.
Ask yourself, honestly, what someone who you want is looking for. If you have 10 contacts with someone and the overwhelming feeling you get each time is happiness, how do you feel?
Compare your degree of attachment/liking/closeness to a situation where all 10 contacts with the other person have left you feeling very unhappy.
People who work toward common goals, play on the same team, work together, participate in the same group, or play together tend to become closer over time just because of the common experiences and history they have shared.
Therefore, to get closer to someone, try to share more with them.
If your partner doesn't have these beliefs and values, they will be less affected by your efforts, but they still may react positively because of the fact that it was a sign of caring. People who care about others, treat others well, and have good interpersonal skills will generally be more successful with others than people who don't.